And it was delicious.

A few times this week I was called out on my shit. Where are the blog posts? Why don’t you just go out? What are your hobbies? Even though I can think of quite a few different answers, they all became just excuses. I wanted to give partnered reasons to why while giving how I made the most of it. The hard stuff.

What do you go back to when it gets a little hard? What are the ways you get back to being you?

Every month I have some sort of draft saved to post for when it’s ready and time. When the pretty pictures are up and when my jumbled words and run-on sentences have been proofread by someone other than myself. But here’s the thing: my overall wellbeing usually affects when and how I show up. Writing a blog post or posting on social media is the first thing to take a back seat during those difficult times. Feelings of being fake or the hypocrisy of my words take over. The beautiful and yummy pictures of food are true, but are usually never meant for myself. But when I write, that still is.

I’m not sure if that is the right or healthy thing to do. But for myself, I honor my feelings and beliefs in that way. I’m fortunate enough to take that time to do so, as I know not everyone is. It’s hard for a business/individual, especially on social media, to be so transparent. I don’t know who actually reads my blog, but I am sure my clients and the connections I’ve made might have had a peak. I’ve always been a rather private person, now more than ever because a big chunk of my life I had to literally sell and market. Very easy my ability to cook and share all the yummy stuff with a side of face, became my worth.

So in the meantime, I’ve been trying to get back to the things that made me feel good. To bake and be in the kitchen with no other reason than I wanted to. I wanted to use beautiful apricots, organic cilantro, and juicy tomatoes to make something delicious, for me. Something I believed in and can actually share with those I love. When your hobby becomes your career, it seems almost impossible to separate those two things.

So, I brought along the books, specifically starting with something I know I’ll enjoy (hello anxiety). I’ve been an avid reader from a very young age and have been able to keep that curiosity, fantasy, and education from a book alive through adulthood. Subway rides went fast with just words. Connection with fictional character and stories seemed real when I wanted to escape my mundane 9-5 job.

The goal for now is to work on my health in every way I can at the moment. Eating good or better for me foods. Taking time without guilt. Dominoes, 5-star restaurants, local panaderias with endless breads and sweets, and the simple meals that give me the nourishment my body craves. It all became exactly what I wanted.

While I rode the all you can eat train, I also got physical in a way I never thought I would again. Being in New York, I learned to love walking anywhere, anytime. So, I took that pleasure with me in my own neighborhood with some company. Longer walks with my menace of a dog became a routine I didn’t know I needed. He took me out of my comfort zone and out of the house, because there was a time it would take days.

While I hope these things continue until tomorrow and weeks to come, I know I’ll figure out how to see you too. To reconnect in a way other than some type of screen. Showing up with authenticity and honesty.

This post was inspired by corn nuts and my desire for a vacation.