One Year. One Month.

And one week since I moved into the city. So, am I a New Yorker, yet? Somehow, I made it to one year! I doubted myself many more times than I would like to admit, as any other person would with a meek bank account and a crazy idea they were meant to do something bigger, or just something else. This post is my reminder.

As people get into the New Year, I think we set a lot of goals and intentions, try to live through a mantra. I can’t help but think that really isn’t what I need this year. Are there things I would love to try and accomplish? Absolutely, yes. But, I think I need to get back to the basics first… again. What I need? A fucking kick in the ass to get back to the state of mind I once had. I can’t help but think I lost a part of myself that I was once so proud of.

I reflected over many of the changes and accomplishments over this past one year. I graduated culinary school, moved from New Jersey to Brooklyn to now Manhattan. I held 5 DIFFERENT JOBS, sometimes three at the same time. I felt more homesick than ever. I met an amazing person and love I never thought was possible. I took pay cuts and pay raises, went back to yoga, then stopped again. I’m lucky if I have some kale or spinach twice a month, something I had almost everyday.

Right now, my job is truly something I believe in. I’m not saying it’s perfect and my dream (still not sure what that is), but with perseverance I think I can make it worth my while. Hint: I’m a chef and get to interact with kids almost everyday. Never a dull moment, never a day without a smile. Yet, as any dreamer or hustler would say, there has to be more. If you are a dreamer or hustler with anxiety, sometimes that comes off as not doing enough.

For somebody who worked their ass to get to what where they thought they wanted to be, you can’t help but think of every time you are getting a little closer there is something always out of reach. For myself, I can’t help but think of those things are what I left behind. Everything from green smoothies, to good friends.

In the city with a dream, heart, and a plan that will most likely go not as planned, there comes sacrifices and uncomfortable changes. Times when money doesn’t let you do much, 1/2/3/4 roommates to live with, but if you are lucky become friends with, long subway rides that make you hope for the best, and let’s be real… mice.

The good? You are always bound to meet new people, and even if they aren’t forever, they can be pretty amazing for the ever changing days of your unpredictable life. Love and dating in the city can be mistakenly glamorous, and I wouldn’t change our story for anything else. You can see the most beautiful and heartbreaking places, all within a day, sometimes hour. Anyone can really do anything they want, and once I figure it out, I think I will. In the most crowded places, you still have the mental space that most towns and suburbs don’t get. When people walk fast, there is sense of great appreciation and camaraderie. Oh, and the food, something I want to start exploring more of.

So let’s bring it back. And let’s put it in writing. Even better, shared with the public…

My Goals. My Intentions. My Revisitation Rights.

1. Go back to yoga

2. Have some smoothies, preferably green

3. Work on my anxiety

4. Get some yummy food with friends

5. Make some yummy food for friends

6. Share my passion

7. Live with my anxiety

8. Write more

9. Make shmoney, save shmoney

10. Trust

This whole thing… Confidence. Confident I can make money doing what I love. Confidence to share my work, food, and passions. Confident that human connection will always make life worth while. Even for an introvert, through a computer screen…

Looks like I had some goals after all,

Root

Gandules Guisado con Bollitas de Platano and quinoa

Located at the base of the spine, the pelvic floor, and the first three vertebrae, the root chakra is responsible for your sense of safety and security on this earthly journey. The word Muladhara breaks down into two Sanskrit words: Mula meaning “root” and Adhara, which means “support” or “base.” 

The Chopra Center, The Root Chakra: Muladhara

Simply, the foundation.

To say I have been in survival mode for the past couple of months is dramatization of a strict routine ruled by weather and finances. Eat, sleep, and pay the rent. Every penny is counted (2.01 for a super small coffee), every minute is dedicated (can’t skimp on my 130 minutes of netflix a night), and I officially live by the bedtime feature on my phone (10:15pm reminder).

Writing this now, I even just realized that I cannot be alone on this. It’s the winter, none the less, we are cold and desperately trying not get sick. I mean, what if we actually had to take a SICK DAY? Nobody can afford those, anymore. Winter, you are something else. And New York too, goddamn, you’re tough.

During the last few weeks I’ve cried over a 9-5 survival job more than any grateful person should, counted just enough quarters to dry the last batch of laundry I could afford, learned how to set a mouse trap, and bring up the subways so effortlessly in everyday conversation with every other New Yorker. How quickly we get accustomed.

I’ve read books to go back. I go back to the days when Puerto Ricans fled to New York (Brooklyn to be exact) to have light, running water, and work. Go back when the Incas and Andeans who lost their land, but not their teachings. I also talk to my grandma. She tells me how easy it would be to make mofongo (after I buy a pilón, claro) and how she used to go to Prospect Park all the time, over 50 years ago….

That’s about the time, they were learning to survive to. From New Jersey, to New York, and back to New Jersey to raise a family and work their asses off. That’s where the foundation began. Merging Puerto Rico into an American way of life. My parents merging their Latin AND American values into our American Dream household. How I’ve been surviving? By trying to get to the root of where it all began.

I want the rice and beans to fill my protein deficient body, the bread to keep me full, the local squash and potatoes for that sweet nourishment I crave, sugar and coconut oil to for the cravings of my skin, classic salsa to keep my mind dancing when my body is too cold or tired to do so herself, and the New York spirit, because even when you have exhausted me, the reminder of fucking doing it, is still with there.

Rooting down with my culture and vegetables, surviving the winter months by keeping a roof over my head and my head out of the clouds, for once, I built my foundation. Lonely nights were filled with projects of dim lights and candles, perfect for cozy productivity in bed. Counting quarters taught me the value of accessible nourishing foods, not just for myself, but anyone who gets hungry. Subway rides gave me not space, but opportunity to go deeper, through the words of those before me.

This is how I root. Making my home in New York, with experiences I couldn’t have anywhere else, I dig my feet a little deeper, making sure I may extend my hunger, heart, arms, and mind ANYWHERE else, but with feet on the ground. In case you do need to go back to basics, the foundation will always be there.