One Year. One Month.

And one week since I moved into the city. So, am I a New Yorker, yet? Somehow, I made it to one year! I doubted myself many more times than I would like to admit, as any other person would with a meek bank account and a crazy idea they were meant to do something bigger, or just something else. This post is my reminder.

As people get into the New Year, I think we set a lot of goals and intentions, try to live through a mantra. I can’t help but think that really isn’t what I need this year. Are there things I would love to try and accomplish? Absolutely, yes. But, I think I need to get back to the basics first… again. What I need? A fucking kick in the ass to get back to the state of mind I once had. I can’t help but think I lost a part of myself that I was once so proud of.

I reflected over many of the changes and accomplishments over this past one year. I graduated culinary school, moved from New Jersey to Brooklyn to now Manhattan. I held 5 DIFFERENT JOBS, sometimes three at the same time. I felt more homesick than ever. I met an amazing person and love I never thought was possible. I took pay cuts and pay raises, went back to yoga, then stopped again. I’m lucky if I have some kale or spinach twice a month, something I had almost everyday.

Right now, my job is truly something I believe in. I’m not saying it’s perfect and my dream (still not sure what that is), but with perseverance I think I can make it worth my while. Hint: I’m a chef and get to interact with kids almost everyday. Never a dull moment, never a day without a smile. Yet, as any dreamer or hustler would say, there has to be more. If you are a dreamer or hustler with anxiety, sometimes that comes off as not doing enough.

For somebody who worked their ass to get to what where they thought they wanted to be, you can’t help but think of every time you are getting a little closer there is something always out of reach. For myself, I can’t help but think of those things are what I left behind. Everything from green smoothies, to good friends.

In the city with a dream, heart, and a plan that will most likely go not as planned, there comes sacrifices and uncomfortable changes. Times when money doesn’t let you do much, 1/2/3/4 roommates to live with, but if you are lucky become friends with, long subway rides that make you hope for the best, and let’s be real… mice.

The good? You are always bound to meet new people, and even if they aren’t forever, they can be pretty amazing for the ever changing days of your unpredictable life. Love and dating in the city can be mistakenly glamorous, and I wouldn’t change our story for anything else. You can see the most beautiful and heartbreaking places, all within a day, sometimes hour. Anyone can really do anything they want, and once I figure it out, I think I will. In the most crowded places, you still have the mental space that most towns and suburbs don’t get. When people walk fast, there is sense of great appreciation and camaraderie. Oh, and the food, something I want to start exploring more of.

So let’s bring it back. And let’s put it in writing. Even better, shared with the public…

My Goals. My Intentions. My Revisitation Rights.

1. Go back to yoga

2. Have some smoothies, preferably green

3. Work on my anxiety

4. Get some yummy food with friends

5. Make some yummy food for friends

6. Share my passion

7. Live with my anxiety

8. Write more

9. Make shmoney, save shmoney

10. Trust

This whole thing… Confidence. Confident I can make money doing what I love. Confidence to share my work, food, and passions. Confident that human connection will always make life worth while. Even for an introvert, through a computer screen…

Looks like I had some goals after all,

Creating Your Mantra

So many times we go into something, not completely knowing why and how we are doing it.  Especially at this time of year, with resolutions and both beginning and endings playing a significant role, the pressure is on!  

Constantly in our mind, are questions like what have we done, to what do we want to do.  What can we finally commit to, because this is the "perfect time".  Well, my dears, as you may note, this is where I tend to disagree.

Like most, I have seen my resolution lists after a year, only to check off a few of the items.  So many times after just half a year, I feel as if I aimed for the impossible.  I really started to let loose with my New Year Intentions.  Just another day, another night to hang out with family and wish each other the best.  Nothing wrong, but definitely not much to look forward too, but maybe a new planner.

So, I decided to go back to my roots.  To take a deeper look at who I was, and still becoming. I decided to create my mantra out of what I thought, and concluded.  Nothing concrete, but ever changing.  This gave me the platform.

A mantra.  A word or saying, repeated and reflective. Why and how?

1. Look Back

This is something I did naturally, and as much as I disliked it at first, I felt it had been the perfect way to figure out what I truly needed at this period in my life.  I found this to bring up intense emotions. You want to look back as if they were two of you.  Your present self looking upon the scenes and actions of your past self.  There is going to be the good, there is going to be the bad.  Recognize how you feel and probably felt.  I found this to be extremely uncomfortable at first, but eyeopening. 

The point is not to dwell, but to acknowledge from a different perspective.  A NON-JUDGEMENTAL PERSPECTIVE.

2.  Find the Pattern

Once you start looking back a bit, whether just the past year or a few years ago, you may start to notice something.  A trend, pattern, or events, that keep reoccurring in your life.  Once you see that we are definitely where we want to be. 

For myself, I noticed the trend of consistently wanting to start over.  So much so, I moved through states and jobs trying to find what worked for me.  I always thought if I just started all over, I could turn this into the life I wanted.  I even went as far as to take breaks in my wellness practices, such as yoga and nourishment. I started to notice not just the pattern, but also the reoccurring events in my life.  

In yoga, we call this our samskara and it’s something we constantly try to acknowledge and and work on. 

3.  Create Your Mantra

Any feeling and/or event can be held together by this word. 

We can do confidence.  Confidence in ourselves, journey, diet.  Maybe something more powerful, like infinite.  Our infinite power to create, be kind, and do great things. 

My mantra became to build.  To build on myself, off my practice, relationships, job and hustle.  I figured I created a great foundation on who I was and wanted to be, and although those findings are never done, what if I spent the next year creating something greater? 

Make it healing.  Make it positive. Make it unique.  You want something that can relate to every aspect of your life.