And one week since I moved into the city. So, am I a New Yorker, yet? Somehow, I made it to one year! I doubted myself many more times than I would like to admit, as any other person would with a meek bank account and a crazy idea they were meant to do something bigger, or just something else. This post is my reminder.
As people get into the New Year, I think we set a lot of goals and intentions, try to live through a mantra. I can’t help but think that really isn’t what I need this year. Are there things I would love to try and accomplish? Absolutely, yes. But, I think I need to get back to the basics first… again. What I need? A fucking kick in the ass to get back to the state of mind I once had. I can’t help but think I lost a part of myself that I was once so proud of.
I reflected over many of the changes and accomplishments over this past one year. I graduated culinary school, moved from New Jersey to Brooklyn to now Manhattan. I held 5 DIFFERENT JOBS, sometimes three at the same time. I felt more homesick than ever. I met an amazing person and love I never thought was possible. I took pay cuts and pay raises, went back to yoga, then stopped again. I’m lucky if I have some kale or spinach twice a month, something I had almost everyday.
Right now, my job is truly something I believe in. I’m not saying it’s perfect and my dream (still not sure what that is), but with perseverance I think I can make it worth my while. Hint: I’m a chef and get to interact with kids almost everyday. Never a dull moment, never a day without a smile. Yet, as any dreamer or hustler would say, there has to be more. If you are a dreamer or hustler with anxiety, sometimes that comes off as not doing enough.
For somebody who worked their ass to get to what where they thought they wanted to be, you can’t help but think of every time you are getting a little closer there is something always out of reach. For myself, I can’t help but think of those things are what I left behind. Everything from green smoothies, to good friends.
In the city with a dream, heart, and a plan that will most likely go not as planned, there comes sacrifices and uncomfortable changes. Times when money doesn’t let you do much, 1/2/3/4 roommates to live with, but if you are lucky become friends with, long subway rides that make you hope for the best, and let’s be real… mice.
The good? You are always bound to meet new people, and even if they aren’t forever, they can be pretty amazing for the ever changing days of your unpredictable life. Love and dating in the city can be mistakenly glamorous, and I wouldn’t change our story for anything else. You can see the most beautiful and heartbreaking places, all within a day, sometimes hour. Anyone can really do anything they want, and once I figure it out, I think I will. In the most crowded places, you still have the mental space that most towns and suburbs don’t get. When people walk fast, there is sense of great appreciation and camaraderie. Oh, and the food, something I want to start exploring more of.
So let’s bring it back. And let’s put it in writing. Even better, shared with the public…
My Goals. My Intentions. My Revisitation Rights.
Go back to yoga
Have some smoothies, preferably green
Work on my anxiety
Get some yummy food with friends
Make some yummy food for friends
Share my passion
Live with my anxiety
Write more
Make shmoney, save shmoney
Trust
This whole thing… Confidence. Confident I can make money doing what I love. Confidence to share my work, food, and passions. Confident that human connection will always make life worth while. Even for an introvert, through a computer screen…
Looks like I had some goals after all,