What I Didn't Lose

It’s a Wednesday night. There is that summer rain mixed with thunderstorms and lightening happening that I so enjoy. I’m having some coffee and waiting for my audition with a prospective therapist. I swear, it’s harder and more expensive than dating. But, I’m committed, or at least reminded that I need to be.

That is what this post is really about. Things I reminded myself regardless of money flowing or not, job security, or a pandemic lockdown. I know I haven’t been alone on any of this. The struggle to either keep a float or keep it going. Even though my life hasn’t been predictable or stable for a few years now, I thought I had it. The drive, experience, and somewhat vision I had (let’s be positive, and say have) has been challenged. Regardless, some things stuck. Most days, at least.

Wake up early. I think I was sleep deprived before this pandemic. I went through a period of sleeping in until late mornings, which if you knew me, I was always up before the sun. I missed it. My quiet mornings and multiple cups of coffee. Reading in peace with no interruptions. It was my me-time. Whether you are a parent, have multiple roommates, or have a very personable job, me-time is a privilege I try to take advantage of while I still can.

Yoga, stretches, and breath work. I consider that all in the same field. There is always some mindfulness, intentional movement, or meditation that comes from those three things. I did let go of the intense, sweat dripping, power flow, but it’s amazing how a more calm flow compliments a more relaxed lifestyle I have adopted over the last few months. A little everyday goes a long way for the soul and body.

A drive to keep it going. Even though at times I have no clue where that might be, or it changes once again, I never want to just settle. With a culinary degree and a year of many different experiences (the only start I needed), I have been determined to stay true to what I believe in. Whether I am in a kitchen seven hours straight, teaching or feeding children, creating content, or just out of work… my feelings and observations are my own to understand. Sometimes it’s lonely. I sacrifice friends, vacations, and a instagram worthy lifestyle. But, what I continue to do and remember seems to be worth so much more.

Discipline, dedication, and drive.

Feminine Fire Pt. 1: What Being a Feminist Means to Me

DISCLAIMER: I am not a life coach, psychiatrist, or currently participating in any activist group. 

Feminism - The theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.

My dears, this post was a long time coming.  I have given little hints and sneak peaks, but I thought in honor of the summer and birthday to come, I want to express what I find beautiful.

I found myself talking to my mom one night, confiding how I want to speak more about womanhood, current politics, and all those "taboo" subjects that aren't to be spoken about at work, public place, and sometimes even between friends.  So, with who then? When is it okay? I know there are communities and organizations who focus on the real big stuff.  But damn, I just wanna have some deep inspiring conversation, unafraid, and authentic, about presidencies, war, the environment, white privilege, and woman empowerment.  Yes, ALL THAT. 

Then, on the other hand, I find myself thinking, "WHO THE HELL AM I?" I talk about avocados and salads, the importance of mindfulness and kindness.  The uncomfortable stuff, even words, I dare not speak or avoid, because well, I created a healthy-living wellness blog with a focus on food. But, if I must classify and justify myself, I'm just a woman who believes in her potential and the potential of this crazy beautiful world we live in.  With that said, here we go.

I believe that being a feminist is nothing more than being a human being.  Nobody is better than you and you are better than no one else.  There are certain reminders and ways I keep myself humble, open, and female as fuck.

Lay Off the Judgement

Whether you practice modesty or religious dress, a doctor or stay at home mother, a woman who shaves her armpits or not, or a man who resonates with the female soul, there are so many difference between us all, you will never hear about many at all.  It's okay to be curious and ask, even maybe just wonder.  But, when I hear that someone is not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough, it breaks my heart. There are so many different beliefs it has become too easy to pass judgement onto one another.  What makes us unique and human, especially in a place I call home, has created so much DRAMA.  

Because I choose to wear revealing clothing and no bra make me seem I have less self respect?  Because I choose to refrain from sex in time when women sexual liberation is becoming well acknowledged and accepted, make me a prude?  Does me not smiling make you uncomfortable?  I heard women are prettier when they smile.  Are you automatically intelligent and worthy of work because you went on to higher education?  If I didn't, would you think I was ignorant? When did clothing, job choice, education, or looks define a person?  Those things were meant to empower us, not put us down. 

You never know what someone else has went through or done to get where they are.  When it comes to woman I see this way to often, even within themselves.  What we do is usually for ourselves, not attention or praise.  And if it is, I say this with sincerity, it is time for you seek something greater than approval.  So please, be mindful of automatic judgement and be open to see what really makes that individual beautifully being.

Stand for Everyone

It's not just women rights, it's every individual's birth right to feel free and unafraid in the skin they are in.  Whether it is indigenous Latinos being seen as illegal (correct term - undocumented), Muslims suspected as terrorist, blacks perceived as violent, or women seen as too sensitive or inad (forever far from), we have segregated ourselves greatly.  There are men of different races violating women in the same way and when being prosecuted, they have different sentences. Why? Because one "will not be able handle the devastating impact." Oh, and the woman? Well, she should have never put herself in such a position to be abused in the first place.  

Stand up for our children who are open and ready to receive so much love and knowledge, but maybe can't because politics say lower budget schools are not priority when it comes to education.  Stand up for the woman next to you being harassed for wearing too little AND for the one made uncomfortable for wearing too much, stand up for the colored men who are being seen as a threat.  Use your voice. Not your phone.  Your voice is the greatest tool you have to make up for the women and children who are silenced.  Ignorance may seem like bliss, until it affects you.  

Shit Happens. Don't Get Over it. 

I recently received came across a quote by Gloria Steinem. "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."

Get mad, get upset, send prayers, and love.  Understand that this is the Universe we live in.  It's hard to see the good in so much bad and hurt that happens EVERY DAY, but it's possible.  Talk about it.  Read about it and don't let anyone ever tell you, you are one person.  There was once only one vegan, only one farmer, one female politician, and one company donating their products to young women in need of feminine hygiene products so they may go to school.  

Do you see where I'm going with this?  Don't stop with "that's the way it is." 

Always with love and a big fucking heart.

PS.  We are all a work in progress.  To say I haven't classified myself once or twice as a chonga, or thought any man I met may be worth my time, would be lie.  Take note on your own thoughts and words.  They mean a ton whether spoken to yourself or to others. 

Creating Your Mantra

So many times we go into something, not completely knowing why and how we are doing it.  Especially at this time of year, with resolutions and both beginning and endings playing a significant role, the pressure is on!  

Constantly in our mind, are questions like what have we done, to what do we want to do.  What can we finally commit to, because this is the "perfect time".  Well, my dears, as you may note, this is where I tend to disagree.

Like most, I have seen my resolution lists after a year, only to check off a few of the items.  So many times after just half a year, I feel as if I aimed for the impossible.  I really started to let loose with my New Year Intentions.  Just another day, another night to hang out with family and wish each other the best.  Nothing wrong, but definitely not much to look forward too, but maybe a new planner.

So, I decided to go back to my roots.  To take a deeper look at who I was, and still becoming. I decided to create my mantra out of what I thought, and concluded.  Nothing concrete, but ever changing.  This gave me the platform.

A mantra.  A word or saying, repeated and reflective. Why and how?

1. Look Back

This is something I did naturally, and as much as I disliked it at first, I felt it had been the perfect way to figure out what I truly needed at this period in my life.  I found this to bring up intense emotions. You want to look back as if they were two of you.  Your present self looking upon the scenes and actions of your past self.  There is going to be the good, there is going to be the bad.  Recognize how you feel and probably felt.  I found this to be extremely uncomfortable at first, but eyeopening. 

The point is not to dwell, but to acknowledge from a different perspective.  A NON-JUDGEMENTAL PERSPECTIVE.

2.  Find the Pattern

Once you start looking back a bit, whether just the past year or a few years ago, you may start to notice something.  A trend, pattern, or events, that keep reoccurring in your life.  Once you see that we are definitely where we want to be. 

For myself, I noticed the trend of consistently wanting to start over.  So much so, I moved through states and jobs trying to find what worked for me.  I always thought if I just started all over, I could turn this into the life I wanted.  I even went as far as to take breaks in my wellness practices, such as yoga and nourishment. I started to notice not just the pattern, but also the reoccurring events in my life.  

In yoga, we call this our samskara and it’s something we constantly try to acknowledge and and work on. 

3.  Create Your Mantra

Any feeling and/or event can be held together by this word. 

We can do confidence.  Confidence in ourselves, journey, diet.  Maybe something more powerful, like infinite.  Our infinite power to create, be kind, and do great things. 

My mantra became to build.  To build on myself, off my practice, relationships, job and hustle.  I figured I created a great foundation on who I was and wanted to be, and although those findings are never done, what if I spent the next year creating something greater? 

Make it healing.  Make it positive. Make it unique.  You want something that can relate to every aspect of your life. 

Letting Go of Expectations

You are exactly where you need to be.  The universe has a way of working it out. 

I can go on, but I think most of us have related to these quotes every now and then.  There is as much truth in them as you make it to be.  

From the time we are young, we all had expectations put upon us, from ourselves or others.  Some with the best intentions.  Some from what society has said is best for us.  From being a great student, obtaining that amazing job, or being in a wondrous relationship, all of these are possible.  Some of them amazing goals and visions for the hopeful driven soul.  

But, what happens when things don't go as planned? When you haven't found that amazing job for you just yet?  When the "clock is ticking" and you are trying to find that true love to lead to an amazing family. That person you thought would be there for you through it all, disappeared.  How do you cope when things didn't go as expected?  

More than ever, I think timing has a way of bringing a negative aspect to these "expectations".  Here is what to have instead.

~

Goals and Visions.

Make a vison board.  Make it beautiful , make it you.  I love what vision boards stand for.  They are your goals sans the time frame.  Nobody really makes a vision with a time stamped on it.  Visions are timeless, a story.  Understanding there is change, and letting that come into play.  Maybe you have to start out as a hostess to become an amazing chef, no matter how long it takes.  Looking at love as something shared between all of us, may attract the one who compliments the kind you offer (we all have our own ways of showing love).  Peace? The goal for the masses, make it your own to share.  Again, it may not be a fairytale, but it's yours to write.  Enjoy every chapter of it, till the very end.

Motivation

This can be a tricky one.  Mostly because it doesn't so much change, but come and go.  We depend so much on the outcomes to keep motivation going.  But positive ones aren't always going to be the case, your expectation.  Make your motivation intangible.  Not the amazing body, but amazing health.  Your motivation shouldn't be that dream home, but what you will fill that home with.  Vacation?  Not what you did.  How you experienced it.  This is the behind the scenes.  The feelings that take over, that's the motivation.   

Do Your Best

This is something that not only my parents always told me, but I was able to read more about in the book, "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz.  No matter what keep it going.  You may feel defeated at times and maybe even unappreciated.  Until you can get yourself out of the situation, never stop putting your best effort.  Either it will work out how you envisioned, if not move on.  But, as long as you know you tried your hardest, not only will it be seen, but you can move on with a lighter heart.  No matter the job, relationship, or love, doing your best, a beautiful agreement to live by.  

"It's not about getting into the pose, but what you learned along the way." ~ yogi quote